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Alternatively, sacrifice a black cat on the stroke of midnight under a moonlit sky while reciting the thirteenth incantation from the appendix of the Necronomicon.  Enter the black tunnel that will appear before you.  Ignore the screaming child face and the dark clown that walks by your side.  Take the first turning on the left and the second turning on the right.  Pay a single gold coin to the hooded figure (make sure to keep the receipt) and proceed until you reach a clearing in a forest.  Approach the altar and remove the third quill from the left.  Dip the quill in the blood-filled jar and write your message on the parchment.  I'll get back to you soon as I can.

All work copyright Stuart McLean

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